THIRD YEAR ADULT

I.Am.Trendy.

Move over thirty somethings, Sex and The City is long gone, How I met your Mother is going into its final season, and frankly, you’re boring and It’s all about ME now.

A twenty something. Aren’t we adorable? Indecisive, mostly single, broke, confused, selfish and entitled but with nothing to offer,  the list goes on, best represented in almost every hit TV show that doesn’t involve Terrorists, an Insane asylum or a serial killer. Let me break it down.

GIRLS : Thank batman a show is addressing the worst thing to happen to dating since facebook-texting.

“The totem of chat. The lowest, that would be Facebook, followed by Gchat, then texting, then email, then phone. Face to face would be ideal, but it’s not of this time.” 

Dating in your twenties is not of this time. Unfortunately. It consists of this.

The totem of meeting a guy/girl thats a twenty something (with a side of a few sad thirty somethings still grasping to their twenties)

Meet new guy at bar (not sober)

Exchange of numbers (this happens either at the bar or the morning after. Completely depends on who is reading this)

Texting (sometimes during the day, still awkward, no real conversation with real substance you never want to be the person texting PARAGRAPHS, how embarrassing) 

Guy OR Girl finding a non awkward way to find out the others last name to facebook,google,twitter,tumblr stalk. But there’s no easy way, I honestly got “Whats your last name so I can FB stalk you.” a while back. I mean. Points for honesty.

I never heard back from the guy after we became BFF’S via facebook and seriously I was just TORN over it. What could it have been? My foursquare check ins? Me “liking” Barack Obama? The fact that I may have one too many pictures with my best guy friends? 

Second post shout out to How I met your Mother: “I’d rather have mystery than search history” learn it.love it.live it. it puts the butterflies and healthy anxiety back into dating. 

If the facebook step works, you are then bombarrded for the next couple of months with texts after…say…8:30-4 am that usually consist of the following

“Hey”

“What r u up to” 

“Where you at?”

“Lets meet up”

“hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”

Sound familiar? We are not humans, we are the twenty somethings and clearly a different breed fueled by too much technology and too much tequila. 

Twenty Something Clothing situation - GIRLS- HBO

For the love of god, please, I can’t stand the fact that Marnie is wearing an Alexander McQueen dress in the finale episode. I LOVE this show, but its the same mistake SATC made. No twenty something is struttin her shit in an Alexander McQueen VINTAGE dress, she is spending it on too much booze, lots of shoes, BILLS, too many shots after 12:30, tacos and parking tickets. Not ONE dress that everyone will see and she can never repeat it. We don’t do that. We find our stuff through H&M, Topshop, second hand stores and live breathe and die the Nordstrom half yearly sale. Make no mistake. Trust funds are hard to find these days, baby boomer parents aren’t really a “sure thing” for huge inheritances any more. 

The New Girl-

I can’t honestly imagine moving in with three of my guy friends. The Mansion at Dayton was the closest thing I’ve had to living with a large amount of boys. Full time, however, I imagine it’d be easier than girls, petty jealousy wouldn’t exist, but I’m pretty sure the second I get a cold and start pouting for 10 days about it friendships would cease to exist. 

Jess:That’s where I live, and those are my friends.  And Russell, my life is just as important as your life. And if you wanna get with me, you’re gonna have to get with my friends, and that is a Spice Girls song.

Two storylines (besides the obvious love stories) are when Schmidt is trying to ask for a promotion/raise and Jess loses her job. 

These are the two most stressful things for a twenty something to go through. 

Why?

BECAUSE WE CAN’T TEXT OR EMAIL OUR BOSS ASKING FOR A PROMOTION OR A RAISE

BECAUSE OUR BOSS CAN’T FIRE US VIA TEXT

BECAUSE WE CAN’T INTERVIEW WITH JUST LINKING THEM TO OUR TWITTER ACCOUNT

Twenty somethings have no idea how to handle face to face contact for any reason. Its awkward We have to be an adult and do it old school. The closest most of my friends have gotten to old school have been a PBR. 

Heres a hint. Work hard. people notice. when people start to notice. ask for it. 

Hint #2 If you lost your job don’t worry, you’re an endearing twenty something any startup internet coupon company is JUST DYING to hire you. 

We are trendy people. Take advantage of this moment, we should start a revolution on our twitter and tumblr accounts because thats what we do, we make a youtube video to be heard, not an actual human movement, where people get together unless its a flashmob or something I can get sweet ironic instagram pics out of. 

But in all seriousness people my point is that we aren’t really trendy. We’re kind of a joke, in a really cute adorable way, but we’re way too self involved to notice that these shows are laughing AT us. I’ll still watch because hey- I’m one of these people, so long as I’m not alone I’m not crazy, right…right?!? 

Just remember theres still time to go old school, theres still time to lay off the social media accounts, posting pictures of your breakfast, new nail polish, the concert your at, toes in the sand etc. I promise, unless its you banging Matt Boomer or On stage at a Springsteen show NO ONE CARES. You get 1 whole milisecond of mild attention when you post that stuff. Wanna know what gets you REALLY noticed? Doing something worth while, working hard, proving that the twenty somethings are actually productive, innovative and ambitious. 

(A small shout out to my lovely friend Parker York Smith who I will save my gushing over for another time. A twenty something who has, against all odds of being a twenty something, is just at the beginning of something wonderful and I urge all of you to tune into American Horror Story (pref episode 6) to see how its done.)

**Sidenote: I’m in no way a martyr here. I wouldn’t know said mistakes  had I not made most of them myself. You’re just in the middle of a strange epiphany thats due to too much bed rest from prolonged recovery from an appendectomy. Which is a post for another day.

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The Moral Hangover.

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$300.00 in Parking Tickets = I’m on the right track.

Its March. I haven’t posted in forever, and I refuse to be one of those people who blog (I wouldn’t call myself a blogger, because, well lets be honest its been months) who apologize when they haven’t posted in a while. Lets get real, you aren’t upset with me, but you ARE kind of excited I’m back.

I can’t begin to tell you how many moments I’ve had the past few months where I kept telling myself “I need to write about this, when I get home” or my favorite at 2 am in bed “Ugh, I’m too tired to open my eyes right now and write this down, so I sure hope I remember all of these incredible, profound ideas when I wake up”  (It never works) 

The one day I was SUPER serious about writing was New Years Day, it was 2012 and I was pumped.up. I wanted to write this fantastic, uplifting, fuck you 2011 and HELLO 2012. But then it occured to me, that I’ve never measured a year by a New Years. 

Cue Seasons of Love from the soundtrack I’ll never grow tired of, “Rent”

“In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, In inches, in miles, in laughter in strife. In five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes how do you measure a year in the life”

I’ll tell you how you measure a year. 

You take the last time you dealt with some tragic tribulation, life changing, shitty (pardon the less than stellar adjective) moment, wait a year, and then commend yourself on how awesome, stronger, better looking, and more successful you’ve become since that moment, a year ago. 

This time last year I was at a crossroads. When I say crossroads, I mean a dangerous intersection, think Clark, Diversey and Broadway. This time last year I was considering small town country living, and going down a path that was already picked out for me, but not BY me. 

Once it occured to me that I’m a second year adult and am allowed to make my own decisions and mistakes, life became that much more enjoyable mostly because I realized that I didn’t need a 5 year plan and “winging it” is much more exciting. 

If you’re expecting me to end here with “life is good. I love my life. Forever young. et etc” You’re wrong. Granted, I’m incredibly happy with where I’ve steered myself the past 365 days, especially since we all know what a terrible driver I am. But I still have laundry scattered on my floor, Picture frames that still have pictures of babies I’ve never met in my life, bills to be paid and a nice collection of parking tickets, but they are MY bills, MY parking tickets and my clothes are scattered across the floor of an apartment that I adore. And those picture frames are just waiting to be filled by the next rediculous situation I find myself in. 

Don’t measure a year in any other way. Not by how much weight you lost, how many twitter followers you gained, how much money you made (or didn’t make), how many dates you went on etc. Measure it by growth of the last time you felt 2 inches tall and things were far from easy. A crossroads doesn’t count, a dangerous intersection (Clark, Diversey and Broadway WITH Fire truck sirens coming from god knows what direction) counts. 

Heres one of my favorite moments of someone at a dangerous intersection.

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Uncharted.

I recieved a lot of feed back from my previous post about the eligible Chicago bachelors. 

The consensus? 

“Joshua Crews is it, hes TOTALLY your type” Lean, attractive, suit by day partier by night etc.

Well guys. Joshua is gay. 

Story of my life. 

While I completely commend the magazine for incorporating gay and straight men in their most eligible bachelor line up, and it makes my liberal heart burst that I live in such an accepting city, I still think there should have been some sort of warning!

I can’t help but laugh at myself. I should have learned by now that things happen when you least expect it. 

But for anyone who is interested Joshua is a great guy! Loves his Mom, Sara Bareilles, thick black glasses frames, and taking adorable pictures with his iphone. 

Speaking of Sara Bareilles, I love this music video for so many reasons, mostly Adam Levine and Josh Groban (I am counting down the days for his Office appearance as Andys brother)  

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